she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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