my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
