sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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