i already hear my dad disowning me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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