I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
