Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
