they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
