It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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