it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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