i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
