can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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