I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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