Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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