just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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