Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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