Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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