Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
be right there i have to get my cape
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
