"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
