If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
