Can Purell be used as lube?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
