I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
