even my farts smell like vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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