wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
they need to just BURY HIM!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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