guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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