Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We smell like vodka and hangover
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