Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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