i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
