Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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