hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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