I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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