We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
