apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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