everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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