just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
