you traded sex for a burrito?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
