if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
