Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
