You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
