They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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