I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
