omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
