he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
