I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
