if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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