He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
