I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
