her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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