i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
