I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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