Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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