yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
