i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
